Some Things I've Learned About Parenting (Part Two)

In a previous post, I wrote about parenting babies.  Everything changes dramatically when children become mobile.  Then everything changes again when children are tall enough to reach everything.  The biggest changes come when they spend six hours or more out of your sight five days a week. Here are some tips I have for parents of toddlers and preschoolers (in no particular order):

• Always wear something with at least one pocket. 
• Keep your keys and your cell phone with you at all times.
• Don't lock all the screen doors in case you have to step outside and you get locked out.
• Buy medicine safes and use them.
• Buy lockable cabinets or storage for cleaning supplies and other poisons.
• You have to make your house and car as safe as possible. 
• You cannot possibly watch your children every single second no matter how hard you try.
• Your children will not always obey you even if it means life or death.
• Keep paper and crayons in your purse at all times.
• Keep water and healthy snacks available as you go from place to place.  Children have small stomachs and need to eat frequently.
• Keep hand sanitizer and wipes available wherever you go.
• Keep a change of clothes for all your children and yourself in your car even when your children are potty trained.
• Keep a pocket calendar or PDA or keep a schedule posted in the kitchen.  It is hard to remember everything you have to do and everywhere you have to go. 
• Try to get to sleep no more than 30 minutes to an hour after the children get to sleep. Even young parents need to sleep at least seven hours a night.  If you stay up late guess who is going to wake you up early?
• Avoid the temptation to buy the latest hot toy.  Your children will play with the box it came in longer than they will play with the newest money eater.
• Make lots of playdates with other families.  Your best friends are probably going to be the mothers of your children's best friends.  You will need friends.
• Your spouse (husband, wife, life partner, companion, whatever you call him or her) needs time with you and you need time with him or her.  You need to have fun as a couple.  Go out at least once a month if not more.
• Invest some time and money in finding good child care.  Trusted relatives are the best but sometimes they can't help. 
• Find the best pre-school you can afford and enroll your three year old.  They need to learn to socialize and you need to regain your sanity.
• Ask yourself what sport or activity does my child enjoy?  Enroll your children in at least one gym or sport or movement class.  I really like Gymboree, The Little Gym and the JCC.  The YMCA or YWCA are usually good too. 
• That said, don't overschedule your family.
• Get together with your extended family whenever you can. 
• Even though you love your children. you will find yourself hating them once in a while.  This usually happens when you haven't had enough sleep.  Of course, you don't tell your children you hate them.
• When you find yourself getting angry and hateful, get away from your children for a little while. If you don't have a sitter available, put on the television for a few minutes so they don't go anywhere.  Take yourself to the bathroom and read a little. Splash cold water on your face.  Call a friend.
• Praise your children often.
• Praise yourself often.
• Always tell your children you love them before they go to sleep and before they go away.
• Praying helps.

Reading With My Children

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Sharing books with children produces multiple benefits.  It increases cognitive, emotional and spiritual skills. Reading to my children before they could read enhanced our closeness.  Once they started reading by themselves, joy multiplied exponentially.  What a great pleasure it is to chat about books with my own children.  We share thrills and laughs.  We delve into deep subjects.  We try to make our own books. 

Michael and I just finished reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.  He imagines himself as Harry Potter.  Michael loves books on science, history, space and dinosaurs.  He has enjoyed all the classic books I have read to him including The Last of the Mohicans, Stuart Little, and Justin Morgan Had a Horse. 

Katherine loves the American Girl series, Amelia's Notebook and Junie B. Jones.  Both Katherine and Michael love The Magic Tree House and The Magic School Bus series.

Even Thomas, who at seven cannot read yet due to a developmental disability, loves to look at books and hear them read to him.  He loves the Berenstain Bears, Curious George, SpongeBob, Arthur, Mercer Mayer's books, Barney, Sandra Boynton and Elmo.

Reading is of one of the greatest joys of civilized life.

For New Parents Here Are Some Things I Learned

•  Get a wide glider with a stain-resistant; print pattern…Your babies will make lots of stains on your chair… Also, your babies will get bigger (God willing) and you will need room for all of you on your glider/rocker. Get a real wide glider. There may be siblings later.
•  Get a wide variety of sizes in clothes… Your newborns don’t stay tiny forever….
•  Get bouncers that go up to 40 pounds or more… Fisher Price has one that converts from bouncer to rocking chair… Your children will get past 15 lbs. before you know it…
•  Get your children used to their teeth being cleaned as soon as they have teeth. Ask your pediatrician how to do it.
•  Get your children used to a wide variety of foods and textures as soon as your pediatrician says okay. A good book on food is Child of Mine. If you don’t have time to read it, find another mom whose older children actually eat vegetables and other healthy foods.
•  When your pediatrician says you all can get out go to Mommy and Me classes and support groups, too. Gymboree or the library or the JCC or the YMCA. You must find support. Don’t do this alone.
•  If you are an at home mommy, enroll in a Mother’s Day Out program or similar when your babies are old enough. You must have time without the children occasionally or you will go insane.
•  Take time off for you to do some non-child related things.
•  Dress your kids in the next days clothes instead of pajamas if you are due to take them somewhere early in the morning..
•  Buy a good carpet cleaning machine.
•  Get the most powerful hand held vacuum you can find
•  Get a Swifter or Pledge Grab It for cleaning hard floors silently….
•  Get a carpet sweeper that is quiet.
•  Buy lots of cloth diapers for spit up, nose drips, other clean ups…
•  Have changing pads, diapers, wipes and change of clothes in as many rooms as you can. Keep everything within hand’s reach. Include diversions like mirrors, rattles, and mobiles.
•  In your car keep a big bag stocked with the above along with a change of clothes for yourself and the children. Keep some snacks, toys and water for you and your children.
•  Have detailed and deep conversations with your co-parent about discipline now before it becomes an issue. Make sure he gets used to taking care of the children now. Every day whenever possible. No excuses. You don’t have to do it alone!
•  Have a professional child proofing expert evaluate your home before your child can crawl.
•  If you can, get the children to sleep at the same time so you can sleep (then tell me how you did it!)
•  Resist the temptation to take care of chores around the house when your babies are sleeping. Be sure to lie down and close your eyes ASAP… If you put off your naps even 5 minutes, it’s gone!
•  Don’t buy loud toys especially corn poppers. If you receive loud toys, muffle the speakers with some non-toxic duct tape. Loud toys hurt their ears and drive you nuts.
•  If you can hear your children cry all over your house, skip the monitors.
•  I like Desitin better than generic zinc oxide 40% ointment for preventing and healing diaper rashes. Many mothers, who can afford it, like Dr. Smith’s ointment. . Keep hypoallergenic disposable wipes everywhere. A more environmental solution would be soft wash rags with a spray bottle.
•  Paper towels or other towels are great for cleaning up little floods in the bathroom or kitchen.
•  Buy and use these books: Baby Bargains, Consumer Reports Baby Products, What to Expect the First Year. Best Baby Products, 10th Edition (Consumer Reports Best Baby Products) Also, What to Expect the Toddler Years and Toddler Bargains.
•  Keep a daily log spreadsheet with a column for each child. It should have room for food, potty/diapering, sleep and bath. Parenting multiples can cause short-term memory loss. We used the log for four years. . I also use the sides to keep a food and exercise journal for myself.
• ***Set a budget for gift giving.  Resist the temptation to buy lots of toys.  They will be much happier ultimately if they have a few excellent toys and books instead of a warehouse of goodies.  It makes your life easier to organize when there aren't hundreds of toys and pieces of toys everywhere. 

Common Mistakes We Parents Make

Using sarcasm and yelling at children is like planting batteries. It is bad for the environment and nothing good comes out of it.